After all this away time, eh?

Donovan now presents you this.
...
...
...

DeviantArt is interesting. What makes it interesting, though? Art and forums aside, we have...

dAmn.

No, it's not a vulgarity. It's...

deviantART messaging network.

Thousands of deviants swarm in and out of this amazing network, a covey of...well... networks, put together by a team of bored people, with quite alot of computer knowledge.
(Oh, thank you, bored ones.)

And as we all know, funny stuff happens once in a while. Not when dAmn is concerned. Mad shit happens there all the time. Therefore, another group of bored people came together to form...

bAsh.

The DeviantART Quote Database. The database to track all the amazing jack-assery and overall nonsense happening in the place, as a classic, for future referrals by our deviant descendants to see that the first people to use the service of DA weren't exactly saint-like.

So now, another bored person comes into picture. This person is called Donovan.

He forms what we will call the...

Don's Guide to getting into bAsh (lovingly referred to as the DGGB)

There are many ways to get into bAsh, but here are some of the ways to truly be one with bAsh, young grasshopper...

- - - - -

1) Be WallOfTruth.

Ex. 1
omniomi>top 25 added
walloftruth>i was gonona say that omn i
walloftruth>an di'm a litt drunk
walloftruth>and i'm a little drink*
walloftruth>NERRY CHRISTAS
omniomi>lol merry jingley edwerd
walloftruth>KNAI


Ex. 2
serge> coconut.
Insignificant-Other> mango
MechanicalRaven> Papaya
serge> cantelope
madnessism> orange
MechanicalRaven> Bread-fruit
* WallOfTruth is back
serge>quick name a fruit!
WallOfTruth> WallOfTruth

(1(i). or just be insane)

Ex. 2
walloftruth>when i say happy happy
walloftruth>you guys say joy joy
walloftruth>READY?!
walloftruth>HAPPY HAPPY
lazygunn>FUCK OFF

- - - - -

2) Hurl abuse and insults. Just for the sake of it.


Ex. 1
omniomi>
So there are these three elves sitting around looking at themselves when one says "hey I bet I have the smallest hands in the world", he goes to the guiness book of world records and sure enough he gets in the book.

The second elf looks at his feet and wonders he runs off and comes back in the book for the smallest feet in the world.

The third elf feels a little left out... but then he looks in his pants and wonders... he runs off... but comes back looking really sad "WHO THE HELL IS WALLOFTRUTH!?"


Ex. 2
pelvicthrusters>jeremy20020200: Question, if your parents divorce, are they still cousins?


Ex. 3
pelvicthrusters>jeremy20020200: I find it hard to believe that there are 20020199 jeremy names taken, so this was your only option
jeremy20020200>elvicThrusters: becuase I like they way it sounds. 200 20 200 is also a code.
pelvicthrusters>Ooh I like codes
pelvicthrusters>try this one
pelvicthrusters>uck off
pelvicthrusters>try and find what it means
jeremy20020200>elvicThrusters: fuck you
pelvicthrusters>close..
pelvicthrusters>You have either taken too few or too many pills this morning


Ex. 4
modest-rye>I wanted to pierce my lips.. but I don't know.
freakoftheeast> modest-rye: just pierce them together


Ex. 5
** theXvoid was kicked by saskia-shadowpaw * THIS IS YOU: STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT CHAINS AND WHIPS EXCITE ME (LAST TIME)

Ex. 6
hidden-image>fucking slut bitch whore
control>i love you
hidden-image> I love you too
control> fucking cunt

(2(i). Insult yourself.)

Ex. 1
Tridelvior>LiNKiNPaRKiSDaMnkEwL: your name makes my eyes bleed.
Bloody-Romance>Tridelvior: lol
writer91>lol
LiNKiNPaRKiSDaMnkEwL>Tridelvior: I was too retarded to make up a name.
Tridelvior>LiNKiNPaRKiSDaMnkEwL: no shit.

Ex. 2
TheBadassDevil>SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK
TheBadassDevil>...
TheBadassDevil>I don't work out.
** TheBadassDevil has left

(2(ii). Have good comebacks.)

E.g.
cassed>my mom's Integra was having a tough time pushing though unplowed streets
soultown> what's an integra?
cassed> Acura Integra?
cassed> a car?
cassed> where have you BEEN?
soultown> Duh, New Zealand...

- - - - -

3) Spot random truths of life.

Ex. 1
philipjfry>They say if you are being raped, you should scream out "Fire" to get people's attention.
zacthetoad>Does that mean in a fire you should call out "Rape"?


Ex. 2
subversive-imaginati>I swear I'm going to smack the next person who says I'm only popular because I've got lots of pageviews :eyetwitch:
ap3x>you aren't?
subversive-imaginati>ap3x: I pretty much saw a comment today that said everyone was agreeing with me and kissing my ass because I have loads of pageviews >.<>oh those bastards
ap3x>how retarded can people be
ap3x>I mean
ap3x>you kiss ass because it gets you somewhere
ap3x>not because someone has pageviews


Ex. 3
rekluma>eople like cute things ... i bet if we made hello kitty grenades it be easier for world domination ....
rekluma>but i'm rambling


Ex. 4
switchbladeseranade>What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?"Yes!!! Surprise! I DO exist! You're fucked now aren't u?" '

Ex. 5
yoozer> the speed of sound is defined by the distance from door to computer divided by the time interval needed to close the media player and pull up your pants when your mom shouts "OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING"

Ex. 6
wildoats> This group of four sophomore cheerleaders were talking in my 4th period on Friday, about "boys". One girl was complaining about this freshman guy who wouldn't do some trivial fucking cutesy thing with her like play with her hair. At one point I specifically overheard her say, in a real whiny tone: "I guess freshmen just aren't mature enough to handle a relationship!" Followed immediately by: "Hand me my makeup Sarah, I don't feel pretty enough."
wildoats> I think in the process of trying to hold in the laughter, all my internal organs exploded simultaneously

- - - - -

4) Typo.

Ex. 1
viciouszen>STOP JACKING MY LINES.
rnx>ViciousZen: I'LL JACK YOU IF I WANT
rnx>er
rnx>your line*


Ex. 2
nishka>Evil-Thunder-Wolf: i need you to do me
nishka>damn enter KEY
nishka>OO;
nishka>OH SHIT
nishka>a favor x_X


Ex. 3
prestron>I'm feeling very profain tonight
nishka>
nishka>ropain?
prestron>rofain
nishka>ropain?
prestron>rofane?
nishka>ropain?
prestron>complain?
archangel-gabrial>Cali can stand as its own nation as far as inport and exports go
nishka>ropane?


Ex. 4
Tridelvior>bleedingmirror: so, i was right, i raped sheep.
Tridelvior>i mean
Tridelvior>"a" raped sheep.
Tridelvior>o shit.
Tridelvior>o shit o shit o shit.
Tridelvior>:whistle:

- - - - -

5) Speak the language of emo-kids (and get insults hurled at you).

E.g.
falsevacuum>OH FUCK YOU, IPOD AND ITUNES.
falsevacuum>YOURE A TAGTEAM OF DEATH AND HATRED
falsevacuum>APPLE MUST BE ROTTEN TO CREATE SUCH A DEMON
falsevacuum>UN INTENDED.
falsevacuum>Okay.
falsevacuum>That was uncalled for.
codyrs>you forgot something
falsevacuum>Oh?
codyrs>

- - - - -

6) Sexual innuendo. Tons of them. Anything with boobs and/or sex.


Ex. 1
bellchild>Is this like presex, realixing it's horrible sex, and trying to suck it up afterward faces?
nichka> bellchild more like no sex
nichka>unless hand counts ?
nichka> no hand dont count
ravielle> Your a founder
ravielle> you can masturbate if you want to
bellchild> I'm sure we couldn't stop him from touching himself.
nichka> im praticing for when mastabating becomes and olympia sport
bellchild> Going to be the master of the one hand ball-stroke or something?
bellchild>I think you can pull it off.If you keep practicing
* bellchild has faith in nichka and his olympic goals


Ex. 2
mihamiha>Icarus-Has-Fallen: My mom is no horsie D:
icarus-has-fallen>HOW DO YOU KNOW?
icarus-has-fallen>>:
saurlygien>I DONT!!!oneeleven!"!!!!!!111
icarus-has-fallen>not you
mihamiha>Icarus-Has-Fallen: Because she won't let you ride her?


Ex. 3
twexler>does being the boob king mean i get to see boobs?
chezza-t18> twexler: no. you just get to grope.
nykolai>
twexler> chezza-t18: oh.. damn.
twexler> chezza-t18: long distence groping is difficult.
chezza-t18> twexler: i'll send you some moulding clay.
twexler> chezza-t18: rofl.


Ex. 4
ravielle>n1nj4-Katak-chan: but we love you
ravielle>n1nj4-Katak-chan: like kids love candy
n1nj4-katak-chan>Ravielle: so you like to peel the wraper off of me and stick me in your mouth


Ex. 5
amysan>so earlier today i had my guitar and i was strumming and going on about someone's avatar
amysan>but now im just singing about how some people look like sperm


Ex. 6
deep-brown>Hellfire-pup13: You should see me and a friend in physics : singing "My harem is massive, Ten thousand wives... All of them possessing... boobs of great size..."
deep-brown>To the theme of the phantom of the opera


Ex. 7
pyrofirefly>Sex is good too
blue-six>No no no
blue-six>sex is great
pyrofirefly>Sex and liquor is better
blue-six>Alcohol tends to kill your erection, fyi.
autumn-rain>hmm
brendanangelo>And render you making mistakes
pyrofirefly>I'm not male
blue-six>...then your partner's erection, if you're into penises.
chuckskull>more importantly are penises into her?


Ex. 8
* anextraordinarygirl watches her 3 year old pour milk on the cat and then lick it off
switchbladeserenade> You let your 3 year old lick pussy?

- - - - -

7) Play obscure childhood games online. Like Duck, duck, goose.

Ex. 1
clovdyx>karyaazure: duck.
clovdyx> bellchild: duck.
clovdyx> ItsArtDear: duck.
clovdyx> mAstEr-BetTy: GOOSE
* Clovdyx runs.
** Clovdyx has been made a member of TriviaManager by Clovdyx *
animedevildog>
clovdyx> Hah, got your seat!
animedevildog>
budgieishere>
karyaazure> lol
* Clovdyx has sucessfully completed the first game of online duck duck goose.

**side note: mAstEr-BetTy was the only person in the Trivia Manager postion. After promotion, Clovdyx was above her in that spot, thus "taking her seat"**


Ex. 2
xexa>`ta
deviantfilms> xexa: Welcome to the RPG quest of DOOOOOOOM!You see a door. Do you enter or run away like a little baby?
xexa> `ta enter
deviantfilms> xexa: You have a hard time, but manage to budge the door open. As you enter, you are in complete dark. Do you wish to journey on blind or light a torch?xexa> `ta torch
deviantfilms> xexa: You pull a torch out of your pocket and light it, revealing the room to your eyes. There appear to be lots of scary monsters sleeping on the walls. Uh oh! Your light woke them up! They are angry, so they eat you.GAME OVER
xexa> :
** deviantFilms was kicked by xexa *

- - - - -

8) Power-abuse for the love of fun. (applies only to moderators)

Ex. 1
therealspiderman>hay
therealspiderman> any one ben in the euro room
therealspiderman> ?????
j2n4me> Yes
j2n4me> They were talking about this 'therealspiderman' bast- WAIT A MINUTE

** therealspiderman was kicked by j2n4me * I KNOW OF YOU AND YOUR TRICKERY..... DOCTOR OCTOPUS

aimee-oz> LMAO
levdir> j2n4me: ROFFLES


Ex. 2
** switchbladeserenade has joined
** mdvbilt was kicked by switchbladeserenade * :alienglomp: SNIPER ATTACK MODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
** switchbladeserenade has left

Ex. 3
** happyevilness has joined
krauttrooper00> Be happy now!
happyevilness> why the fuck do you ppl keep kicking me?
** happyevilness was kicked by devilious-red * Because we like the feel of your ass on our boots
krauttrooper00> Good one.

(8(i). Or make moderation something fun.)

E.g.
nenimo>Oukan: just working on annoying homework, and using Azildin, and nethlegolas as distractions from annoying homework
azildin>Nenimo: I'd do a lap dance but it isn't appropriate for the room
nenimo>Azildin: kick everyone else then and make with lap dance
** spyed has left [connection closed]
nenimo>Azildin: ok, spyed is gone. now kick MNBot and make with the lap dance
** Nenimo was kicked by Azildin * Bye MNBot
azildin>oops..
azildin>miss tab.
azildin>again
** Nenimo has joined
azildin>Nenimo: sorry man.. that was a mis-tab kick
nenimo>Azildin: oh don't worry, i beleave you
nenimo>
azildin>Nenimo: let me guess it was the n instead of m that gave it away.

- - - - -

9) Be misunderstood. Badly.

Ex. 1
suk0shi-hamu>Gah. I'm hot.
* Suk0sHi-HaMu turns the heater off
siebenzehn> Suk0sHi-HaMu: you are
isabelucha> YES!
isabelucha> She ADMITED!
suk0shi-hamu> siebenzehn: That's not what I meant.
siebenzehn> I'm gonna bAsh it so everyone knows :b
siebenzehn>
suk0shi-hamu> NOOOOO.
siebenzehn>
suk0shi-hamu> I meant heat, heat, I have heat inside me
isabelucha> siebenzehn: I thought about that.
suk0shi-hamu> .....That didn't come out right either. >_>
suk0shi-hamu>
suk0shi-hamu> STOP BASHING ME.
suk0shi-hamu> You're too quiet, you conspirators


Ex. 2
timmc>switchbladeserenade: lol, maybe, check ItsArtDear, i know his model
timmc> more than he does
timmc> *cough*
** TimMc was kicked by kricky * no hard cocks in here please
** TimMc has joined
timmc> lol, i'm soft
timmc> don't quote that

Ex. 3
StacyBecker>my horse loves me more than any man could
StacyBecker>damn that sounded wrong

- - - - -

10) Be talented.

E.g.
In #Music...
07:21:03 pm
daylight>
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

(10(i)Or not.)

E.g.
07:21:46 pm
tridelvior>omg
tridelvior>roses are red
tridelvior>violets are blue
tridelvior>some poems rhyme
tridelvior>but this one doesnt

- - - - -

11) Just be plain nonsensical.

Ex. 1
* Azildin has a dream of being served Chinese food in bed by George W. Bush wearing a pink tutu and calling me Master.


Ex. 2
pelvicthrusters>Ha! I won
pelvicthrusters>you owe me five dollars flameturret
flameturret>elvicThrusters: why
pelvicthrusters>because I won
flameturret>Fine *pays teh man*
pelvicthrusters>awesome
pelvicthrusters>$5 dollars! I could have nethlegolas for a whole week!
nethlegolas>elvicThrusters: you could have me beat the shit outta you for a whole week
love4art>nethlegolas: your worth more than that! 5 millions more like!pelvicthrusters>nethlegolas: 5 million!? jeez thats a bit rich for a week
pelvicthrusters>nethlegolas: can I pay you in taco's?
nethlegolas>elvicThrusters: well...for you....no

Ex. 3
* isabelucha listens to her rawring tummy.
* siebenzehn puts an ear on isabelucha's rawring tummy
isabelucha> siebenzehn: it's not pretty!
siebenzehn> I think I felt your stomach kicking. Congratulations! It's gonna be a hunger!
isabelucha> LAWL.

Ex. 4
rapidograph>my turn to leave now... gotta study for my urine test tomorrow


Ex. 5
* LittleBastadcrams bacon into floppy drive
misaniovent>LittleBastad: Oh, that's sexy!
littlebastad>Heheh.
hildeknight>Mmm, floppy
insignificant-other>hey bleedingmirror
misaniovent>LittleBastad: Try it again harder.Drive that floppy in!
nykolai>Insignificant-Other: it works digitally, but not so traditionally.
littlebastad>bleedingmirror: Don't you love entering a room to find things like this?
hildeknight>DON'T COPY THAT FLOPPY
misaniovent>bleedingmirror: Hey!
misaniovent>The floppy's leaking!
littlebastad>It's leaking memory juice!


Ex. 6
Bluecatdemoness: We're breaking up. After 0 seconds, we're breaking up.
AkumaItami: We were together?
Bluecatdemoness: No. But we want to set the record for the shortest relatioship. So.
Bluecatdemoness: Let's date.
Bluecatdemoness:We're breaking up.

- - - - -

12) Have random exclaimations.

Ex. 1
eskirinabsolute>STOP THROWING YOUR VAGINAS AT ME.


Ex. 2
newklear>CHUM CHAI PONG WAI NO CHEE RICE RICE BABY HOOI WINGWONG CHING CHINK HAWS KAWAII =^_^=
newklear>Look Ping, I can speak your native tongue!


Ex. 3
OHHHHHH row row row your fucking damn motherfucking boat....geeeeeently down that punkass fucking damnshit motherfucker of a STREAAAAM


Ex. 4
* summaro doesnt like working in Director
* mykel has never used Director.
* Gordorca doesn't know what is Director
* elementalplatinum humps Director.

- - - - -

13) Be 1337.

E.g.
grubin> "The internet probably doesn't exist either, since it's not mentioned in the Bible."
grubin> "What!? Haven't you read of OMG 13:37? Where MoXXors leads the j00s out of pwnage?"

- - - - -

14) Be mean to n00bs.

Ex. 1
bloody-pingvin>alt ctrl del shitft mouse 4 f10
love4art>not funny Bloody-Pingvin
bloody-pingvin>go to the msdos prompt!
bloody-pingvin>and type
bloody-pingvin>format C:
nichka>Bloody-Pingvin: ctrl +r
** Bloody-Pingvin has left [connection closed]
** Bloody-Pingvin has joined
bloody-pingvin>refresh hotkey?ed
(nishi): he was also asking ppl to push alt +f4 and crtl+w and stuff. SO PWNED.


Ex. 2

OMGWTFBBC>how do you do the slanty text
Donovan-T>OMGWTFBBC: alt+f4
** OMGWTFBBC has left [connection closed]
** OMGWTFBBC has joined
OMGWTFBBC>that was mean
OMGWTFBBC>it didnt work

- - - - -

15) Make fun of the screen-names of others.

Ex. 1
xad>hereticschizoid: i have probably asked/ told you this, but your name sounds like a really bad STD sometimes


Ex. 2
thewhitewolf07>half-fix: does your name mean your half broken?
half-fix>......
nishka>xD
half-fix>EVERY one asks me that

- - - - -

16) Type like an idiot.

E.g.
kricky> acidic-lust: u wer maen 2 me this murnin
acidic-lust> kricky: ur fayse is maen 2 m3 ervydai
kricky> i dun evn se u vry dai
acidic-lust> ur fayse iz stil maen
Nefarious-lover> kricky, acidic-lust ... is there a plugin to talk like that or...?

(16(i). Or be an idiot.)

Ex. 1
MC-Frizzle>I made a kid cry 2 days ago.
MC-Frizzle>
MC-Frizzle>I just stared at him for ten seconds because he was staring at me and he went all like "WAAAH! "
MC-Frizzle>And I said: "I WIN!" and laughed at him and quickly ran away.


Ex. 2
MadelineTulipIV> I am confused by the americans
TheArcticBanana> MadelineTulipIV: Me too.
MadelineTulipIV> TheArcticBanana: are you from germany also?
TheArcticBanana> MadelineTulipIV: No, I'm from America.
MadelineTulipIV> I do not understand
( Arctic is just too much, sometimes. : )

- - - - -

17) Forgetting/Not knowing real-life names of online aquaintances.

E.g.
tassel> hey matt
eStunt> hey you
eStunt> how you doing?
tassel> you don't know my name, do you

- - - - -

18) Be a wise-ass.

Ex. 1
inennui> Asked why the administration has so far failed to locate Osama bin Laden, the mastermind of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, Bush said, "Because he's hiding."
ashwynmayr> oh
ashwynmayr> so it's that simple?
inennui> Yeah
inennui> I wish I could find answers like that for stuff like
inennui> "Why can't you find sex with any girls?"
inennui> "They're hiding"


Ex. 2
blutVonMalin> I am more powerful than her non existent kicking powers.
** blutVonMalin was kicked by saurlygien * Get a glass of water and go to bed, bish. NOW!

- - - - -

19) Cover-up should you make a mistake.

E.g.
Blue-Six>darkmoon3636: WORD TO YOUR MOTHER
darkmoon3636>My mom is dead, Blue-Six
Blue-Six>darkmoon3636: ELOGY TO YOUR MOTHER

- - - - -

20) Be the best of them all.

E.g.
in-art-we-trust>kapuk: by telling people oo, I have 1346 message centre items? I read that and think "lazy bastard"
* in-art-we-trust has 53 messages...
* Rushy has NO Messages
* The-Definition has 4,052 messages

- - - - -

You've seen the weirdest, meanest, and funniest. Now, good luck getting into bAsh now. Remember, DeviantART.com is your friend!

Ever so sincerely (bish), Donovan.

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